Kitten4u
Administrator 
Lazy Admin[M:-1500]
obv scum
Posts: 815
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Post by Kitten4u on Jan 25, 2010 17:15:41 GMT -7
First, use paragraphs please. It's rediculously hard to read in its current form. Second, this is a Touhou RP, not a Code Geass RP. Make him fit in this setting.
Use the new format in your edit.
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XxSasakixX
Youkai Food
[M:0]
The Asian. Enough Said.
Posts: 16
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Post by XxSasakixX on Jan 25, 2010 20:29:39 GMT -7
Editted, notify me if I need any further corrections.
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Genshuku
Moderator 
Minion
Gold With A Heart Of Jerk and Sloth
Posts: 571
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Post by Genshuku on Jan 27, 2010 21:26:22 GMT -7
NINJAS ACCEPTED
I find it funny that you explicitly mention this guy doesn't have acne/freckles and is Asian
What the hell is a ninja pouch
Thank you god for using paragraphs.
ANYWAY, the personality is summed up to me like this: Silent main-character type until you make him angry/open him up with the power of love.
I got everything in there. Silent includes not talking much, holding back emotions, and pretty much being an introvert. Until he goes berserk modo, or he falls into a pre-determined relationship. I'll take a glance at Sayuko, then continue with my business.
Carefree and relaxed pretty much means he doesn't care what others think. Silent type.
He can easily hide his emotions from others. Silent type.
He shows sympathy toward the people that he cares for. That's just common sense, and I'm going to pretend like it's not there because if you don't show sympathy to someone you care for, you're weird, and that could be a personality trait because it's so very different.
He goes by his moral system, which uses his own justice. Main character-type.
And he has a strong willpower. What's a lead without his willpower?
I didn't get much from this. x:
As for the negative traits...
Yeah, the only people I see him killing are the ones that he has every reason to kill without mercy. It's not even negative, unless he over-accuses. Giving his silent nature, he won't.
I don't see normal people sparing the people that get on their hostile side, either.
Third one makes me think he sees strangers as hostiles. Really?
Fourth makes it clear why I'm confused about the third one.
Fifth is revengeful. K, I'll bite there.
Sixth is berserk mode. I'll bite there too, as long as you don't only release it when you feel you need to for only plot purposes (preplanned and such).
(For some reason, I don't trust you to do that. Hm.)
Last one seems to contradict the fourth positive trait.
When most of what I get only pertains to just that mindset, it means that the character needs more variety. If it pertains to just that one strong, silent type, then he needs some more different kinds of traits.
Likes and Dislikes are K.
Fears and Desires are also K.
About magical abilities: look just say jutsu ok If all he knows in that skill set is one move, why don't you just explain that one move (that flying shadow) without putting it into that group? Also, how much can he use it? Several times in one second to go absurdly fast? And how much energy is he using? Hardly any? Other ability (Bloodline) is k.
About physical abilities: Seeing the future several seconds ahead of time and having killer reflexes might be a bit much. Also, since when was making fast strategies a physical ability? Other stuff is fine except for...
About weapons: THE GUN. It's Gensokyo, come on. And 3 modes? Using it as a shield like it's unbreakable? Uber fast bullets that are pretty much unreadable (you read the danmaku as it comes at you) and that is just a real piece of work that shouldn't even be here. Even the kappa would be hard pressed to make something like this, and rumor is that they have some technology more advanced than the outside world.
Do not think about using the kappa in any way shape or form. It will never work. If it does work, you will have it removed from your person shortly after Nadine and her troops pluck it from your dead body.
She has troops. She's a kappa. She won't get related with you in any way either, so don't try.
And if you make a kappa just to get by, then I won't accept it ever.
MOVING ON
Second and Third strengths are the same. If they aren't, make a clearer distinction.
About fighting style: Assassination is killing people before they know you are there. It matters not if they are skilled, only if they are aware of being snuck up on. This just doesn't even make sense.
Second and Third strengths are the same. If they aren't, make a clearer distinction.
First weakness should be buffed into having trouble dodging magic attacks. He can pretty much dodge almost everything with uber reflexes and mini future sight.
Second weakness makes me wonder how you're going to work that 30% in, and how much twice really is. I know not the value of 2x unless I know what x is first.
The third looks easily overlooked. You best be holding back when relevant. Or I'll tell you to change that after it's been accepted. :V
And now history.
Let's just say that you have no good excuse for owning an advanced gun and getting training for it in the outside world by...professional handgun assassins. Issac is not even an accepted character, and therefore it's just too blah. I could point out other things, but I'm tired. :V
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XxSasakixX
Youkai Food
[M:0]
The Asian. Enough Said.
Posts: 16
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Post by XxSasakixX on Jan 28, 2010 16:43:48 GMT -7
Ok ok yeah, are you writing a critical essay on my lastest novel? XD *shot* I might not have stated this about the gun but I was too lazy to type it all up because i am so tired from writing in this format to start with the gun is not indestructible sadly to say. Its just that Ren uses his yoken silver energy on the surface of the gun in order to block bullets. I know quite a bit of characters who have guns anyways, so can we compromise? I'll lower the gun's power by changing it to being able to switch back and forth from semi-automatic and automatic. And in return Ren can keep the gun. Orrr.... I can make something that is like gun that is not a gun but shoots danmaku energy bullets if thats what you want [Kinda like reisens finger but what can i say, me like guns]. The rest, let me ask one request, could you please be more direct when you tell me to edit thigns, like you tell me that hes the quite type and say so much about him and I get confused whether to change it or not. It sounds like to me that you want me to blow out the current personality and restart from scratch, is that the message here? Again, I am kinda confused. Next, about the abilities, again it also confuses me, I have no idea how to respond to that. My apologies. Am I supposed to have him not be able to see into the future? That is kind of his youkai ability. Just like how Satori can read minds, he is able to see into the future. history, I could just make it so that he kills off a human who comes into gensokyo and just looks over his weapons and finds some weird looking thing called a gun and keeps it.  Ok the reflexes is kinda exaggerated in here, since when did I say he had UBER FAST reflexes, he just has above normal reflex. I can understand why you don't like the first weakness, Just because he has good reflexes and future sight does not mean he can dodge it. It just means he knows its coming. I never said his body was fast enough to react to it even if he did know it was coming, he could attempt to but fail. The second weakness... I really need to know what to change, i really dont see whats so bad about it. Flying shadow, he can only do it 3~4 times every day as far as I know. He'll need to rest and regenerate his energy over time. Does that clear everything up, cause im about to change it now, so if there is things you SPECIFICALLY want to change, please inform me right away. Thank you. P.S. I need to know details on what hsould be changed about personality. |
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Genshuku
Moderator
Minion
Gold With A Heart Of Jerk and Sloth
Posts: 571
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Post by Genshuku on Jan 28, 2010 18:10:38 GMT -7
Ok ok yeah, are you writing a critical essay on my lastest novel? XD *shot* Why yes, yes I am. :V I might not have stated this about the gun but I was too lazy to type it all up because i am so tired from writing in this format to start with the gun is not indestructible sadly to say. Its just that Ren uses his yoken silver energy on the surface of the gun in order to block bullets. Ok, it's breakable. The fact he can even use it to block is a bit meh, and the whole gun is silly to begin with. I know quite a bit of characters who have guns anyways, so can we compromise? I'll lower the gun's power by changing it to being able to switch back and forth from semi-automatic and automatic. And in return Ren can keep the gun. Orrr.... I can make something that is like gun that is not a gun but shoots danmaku energy bullets if thats what you want [Kinda like reisens finger but what can i say, me like guns]. Like Augen, he has a primitive firearm. If I missed anyone, let me know. Remember: We're in Gensokyo. I prefer the danmaku gun, actually~ After all, she shoots suppositories bullets, right? :V The rest, let me ask one request, could you please be more direct when you tell me to edit thigns, like you tell me that hes the quite type and say so much about him and I get confused whether to change it or not. It sounds like to me that you want me to blow out the current personality and restart from scratch, is that the message here? Again, I am kinda confused. I wrote that bit while feeling a tad possessed. I don't want you to restart it, but you need to add things that I can't put in the 'little summary', more different traits. Next, about the abilities, again it also confuses me, I have no idea how to respond to that. My apologies. Am I supposed to have him not be able to see into the future? That is kind of his youkai ability. Just like how Satori can read minds, he is able to see into the future. I will not respond to this. I'm talking about the flying shadow. I have no idea about it. Read what I'm saying. history, I could just make it so that he kills off a human who comes into gensokyo and just looks over his weapons and finds some weird looking thing called a gun and keeps it. I prefer that too. He could just be a natural with it, as to cut off the...handgun assassin training. *shudder* Ok the reflexes is kinda exaggerated in here, since when did I say he had UBER FAST reflexes, he just has above normal reflex. Well, when you add the future sight AND reflexes together, you get uber reflexes. 5 seconds is a pretty long time. Just count it out on a clock. I can understand why you don't like the first weakness, Just because he has good reflexes and future sight does not mean he can dodge it. It just means he knows its coming. I never said his body was fast enough to react to it even if he did know it was coming, he could attempt to but fail. The second weakness... I really need to know what to change, i really dont see whats so bad about it. 5 seconds. You know what, I change my mind. That is a long time. Now I do have a problem, make it shorter and you can keep your reflexes. Flying shadow, he can only do it 3~4 times every day as far as I know. He'll need to rest and regenerate his energy over time. Ah. Include that~ I don't even mind if it's spammable now :V Does that clear everything up, cause im about to change it now, so if there is things you SPECIFICALLY want to change, please inform me right away. Thank you. No, I think I got everything this time. (I think)P.S. I need to know details on what hsould be changed about personality. Take away some, add ones that give more variety to the character, or at least say things other than 'strong and silent main character with berserk mode'. |
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XxSasakixX
Youkai Food
[M:0]
The Asian. Enough Said.
Posts: 16
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Post by XxSasakixX on Jan 30, 2010 17:06:42 GMT -7
-Second Edit Complete-
Inform me if there is any more needed to be changed from what i have right now. (especially how i am not sure if the danmaku gun will be approved, it will be explained in detail in Isaac's profile. If there is any danmaku types you want me to delete like Type 4 or Type 5, please inform as well.) Thank you.
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